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Things I've learned:

1. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
2. The line between “hobby” and “mental illness” is very, very fine.
3. Nobody is normal.
4. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be: "meetings."
5. The objective of almost all protests is to annoy the people that are not involved.
6. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
7. We all make choices, and even when we pick the right one, someone will pick it apart.
8. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well.  Just get up and dance.  (Same for singing)
9. Spending over 8 hours a day at work doesn’t necessarily mean your working overtime.
10. A career and a life are different things.
11. When someone feels the need to tell you they have a sense of humor, they are telling you they have no sense of humor.
12. A penny saved is worthless.
13. There comes a time when people should stop expecting others to make a big deal about their birthday.  Once you’ve had a birthday with ‘teen’ in the name, your there.
14. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
15. Your friends love you anyway.
16. Faith and hope make miracles.
17. Every man asks someone other than a friend for advice at some point, and that person is usually either a bartender, minister, or psychiatrist.
18. We usually spend what we make, regardless of how much or little that is.
19. Life was never meant to be painless.
20. Regardless of how they act, nobody wants to listen to someone whine.
21. You can’t buy love or happiness, but with enough money, you can get close.
22. Man was not meant to clone stuff.  If some global event happened thousands of years ago that made something extinct, there is your hint that mother nature didn’t want it around.
23. Hate and anger are signs of fear.
24. We are meant to love people and use things.  Usually, we do the opposite.
25. As you grow older, you regret the things you didn’t do a lot more than you regret the things you did.
26. No matter how good an idea it might seem at the time, lying always ends up complicating things.
27. The older you get, the only people that are going to truly understand you are the ones that knew you when you were a child.
28. The only way to fight, if it can’t be avoided, is to keep swinging until all the butts are kicked and all the names taken.
29. If you can dream it, you can do it.
30. To survive you must keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.
31. A successful marriage is more about commitment and hard work than love.
32. The intelligent people are usually the ones that aren’t afraid to admit they don’t know something.
33. Worrying, about anything, really is just a waste of time.
34. Forget the past, live for the present, and the future will take care of itself.
35. When someone says, “Hey, how ya’ doin’?”, they rarely want to hear the truth.
36. Attitude and personality are as important as experience and ability.
37. What happens to you doesn’t define you.  How you react to what happens to you does.